2021“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛全国决赛佳作展示已更至最后一期啦！今天，让我们隆重欢迎写作全国冠军武汉纺织大学黄昕婷同学携议论文最高分作品登场！还有写作教学专家山东大学邵春燕副教授给予专业评析，讲解写作诀窍！一起来看！

Write an essay in response to the passage below. You should discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the passage and explain your reasons for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the author’s opinion might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. You should provide your own title and write about 800 words.

     马上请出冠军黄昕婷小姐姐，听她分享最高分议论文的诞生之路！

选手破题思路

作品欣赏

Ever-growing Intelligence, An Asset of Human Beings

Gone are the days when human beings were compelled to resort to laborious physical efforts for the completion of their work, owing much to the fact that the age of technological scarcity has given way to technological affluence in the 21st century. Such time-wasting tasks as heading for each individual for collecting statistics for research or searching for a rare book in a physical library has come off as anachronistic. Yet it remains hard for us to escape the latest overexcitement among the public about the issue that whether those dexterous gadgets have evolved to be a substitution of our independent thoughts and intelligence. However cogent the above paragraph provided may seem to be, I am still inclined to favor the vision that the burgeoning of technology-supported devices and machines, far from retarding or sapping our nimble minds, serves as a catalyst for our intelligence.

To begin with, the existence of technology, coupled with our yearnings to push ahead with it, gives rise to human creativity, a salient element ensuring a broadened mind, innovation, and thus social progress. In the popular imagination, our lust for labor-saving machines stems from idleness and laziness, or a sense of hedonism. However, the caricature is incontrovertibly mistaken, considering over the course of making a stab at production, novel ideas of thought-provoking significance are bound to be engendered. Typical of these come from some widely known cases. It is exactly the assistance of such catch-all platforms as Wechat and Alipay, originally for communication and mobile payment, that induced human creativity in designing and incorporating services like ride-hailing and ticket-booking in them. It is the very auspice of highly advanced calculation systems in terms of spacecraft production that enabled the first commercial spacecraft from Space X to be sent into space, equipped with a rather different mission of probing more of interest in the universe. It is the support of energy-conversion systems that triggered scientists and researchers' novel ideas in transforming wave power into electricity, which has gained rudimentary outcomes in the Beijing Institute of Nanotechnology. Analogous cases to prove smart technologies work to sharpen our minds are far from exhaustive. It could be therefore concluded that human intelligence, especially our creativity, is boosted in the tech-rich era.

In addition to enhanced human creativity, highly-advanced technology spares us from unfathomably complex issues and provides us with time and energy to fully demonstrate and develop our emotional intelligence that machines, however smart they are, are not in possession of. To be specific, though those machines deterred us from exerting a strong willingness to take physical action, they, at any rate, grant widened rooms for us to utilize our emotions — considered as one of human intelligence as well. A salient example of this could be found in hospitals. AI-powered diagnosis, in synergy with nanomedical robots, acts as a pressure buster for doctors in performing a series of tests and complicated operations. Yet patients are always filled to overflowing with apprehension and terror in the face of such operations. Under the circumstance, what our doctors, already rendered much more relaxed by those smart machines, can do lies in showering the patient with utmost solace by giving verbal encouragement and emotional support. It is the same in other lines of business where human emotions and empathy therefore find their positions in the modern world. Hence, it is lucid that breakthroughs made in the field of sciences and technology ensure the enhancement of our emotional intelligence.

Apart from the above two points, under the never-ceasing growth of technological machines, human beings embark on a path of greater ease to grasp knowledge and arm themselves with maximized expertise. Just as drones can make up for poor roads, learning platforms free of charge, such as MOOC (Massive Online Open Courses), overcome a deficiency of education of assured quality in some rural areas. For instance, the life story of Wang Dakang, a known ordinary figure in our society, made his way up in education with the assistance of technology. As a late starter in terms of learning, it was not until the age of 45 did he come up with the idea of pursuing a higher degree on the basis of nothing but a secondary-school certificate. By resorting to the internet on which an ocean of study materials was available, Wang, at the age of 50 was enrolled in a college majoring in Journalism. Yet his pursuit for knowledge did not come to a halt after his graduation four years later, which could be demonstrated by his subsequent self-learning online in Literature and Music. At the age of 60, he was admitted by a prestigious university as a postgraduate student in Literature. From this, it is facile for us to witness that the initiative to learn even at an advanced age, on the contrary of being deprived, is even strengthened with the rise of the internet.

To recapitulate in short, the perspective that mankind is growing to be imbecile in today's technological age, in view of the above analysis, proves groundless most of the time and thus deserves no justification for our support, since how we human beings behave is, in actuality, developing to be rather creative, emotionally smart, and knowledgeable. Therefore, it is time to mount a reversal of a misconception that the influx of advanced tech products threatens to retard our intellectual growth.

（为真实展示选手赛场上的写作风貌，文章为从iTEST 智能测评云平台中摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。）

专家点评

邵春燕老师

山东大学

副教授、硕士生导师、副系主任，北京大学外国语学院博士，伊利诺伊大学香槟分校联合培养博士，哈佛大学语言学系访问副教授。

主要研究兴趣为二语写作与句法—语义互动，现主持、参与省部级等各类项目28项，出版认知语言学专著三部，主编、副主编和参编教材共6部。主讲首批省一流课程《学术英语写作》；英语写作教学论文获省社科优秀成果二等奖；在中国高校外语UMOOC与中国大学MOOC平台主讲英语写作基础课程《人人会写作—Write with Me》。指导学生获得“外研社·国才杯”英语演讲大赛全国一等奖、二等奖、三等奖及山东省特等奖等。

     一篇能打动人的作文，除了高超的语言技能，如丰富的词汇、复杂多样的句式、有效的衔接手段、合理的篇章布局等，更重要的是严谨的逻辑与文章的思想深度。

     本文词汇丰富，选手能够驾驭比较高级的词汇，如anachronistic, incontrovertibly, auspice，在动词词组、名词词组、介词词组等之间灵活切换；语言能力不仅体现在通用表达，在专业领域的词汇量同样值得关注，如nano, AI-powered diagnosis, MOOC等，表现出选手突出的知识面和词汇广度。

     文章句式结构复杂，表达多样，选手能够娴熟使用富有层次的名词性短语、分词短语、各类关系从句。在第二段使用三个强调句it is... that排比举例进行论证，句式掌控能力强。插入语作为句子主要内容的补充和说明，是写作中体现语言技能的一大要素，而本文的一个显著特点就是对插入语频繁且有效的使用，如coupled with our yearnings to push ahead with it, originally for communication and mobile payment等等。

     在段落间的衔接手段方面，除了to begin with, in addition to, apart from这类外部连接，更多的是内在关联，如用于表达新技术产生的induced human creativity, enabled the first commercial spacecraft, triggered scientists and researchers' novel ideas等同一个语义场的动词词组表达。

     整篇文章采用“总—分—总”结构，开头段在general statement直接表达观点倾向，阐述科技相对于人工的优点，而后引入本文的thesis statement——“技术加持不仅没有阻碍聪慧的思想，反而激发了人类智能的发展”，结构清晰，观点明确。中间三段为主体段，分别从技术激发人的创造性、促进人的情感充分发展、提供专业知识积累的便捷手段展开论述。主体段也采用“总—分—总”结构，主题句提出分论点，段落主体进行论证，总结句呼应主题句。最后总结段旨在总结全文，回应主旨。逻辑思路完整流畅。

     然而，本文也有一些待改进之处。

     首先，句子过长，导致语法错误（如the issue that whether）。

     其次，第三个主体段的主要内容为技术进步使人能够更加便捷地获取专业知识，并列举详细案例进行阐释，但本段内容与全文主旨句the burgeoning of technology-supported devices and machines, far from retarding or sapping our nimble minds, serves as a catalyst for our intelligence关联性较弱。

     此外，总结段应总结主要内容并重述主旨，但是本文总结段提出的the perspective that mankind is growing to be imbecile in today's technological age, in view of the above analysis, proves groundless most of the time and thus deserves no justification for our support在前文并未得到论证。

      本文如能更充分地关照题目材料的立场或例证，注重观点与例证之间的紧密联系，会是一篇更精彩的佳作。然而，选手能在较短时间内构思一篇观点明确、结构合理、思路清晰、例证丰富的文章，难能可贵。